
This place so different from Tennessee
There the predominant color is green
The mountains rising all around you
Here the color is blue
The pale blue of the sky subtle against the deep green-blue of the water below
Hills instead of mountains
Mirroring the gentle rise of waves

The sky so still this morning
Its wispy clouds barely moving
Hard to discern against the blue of sky
While the lake beneath is restless
Waves curl and flatten
Turbulent
Like a couple these two
The sky and water
Opposites attracting

But it is always the sound that strikes me first
If quiet were to have a sound, this would be it
The waves strike the shore with a steady beat
While the wind conducts the leaves on the trees
All along the shore
Even quiet whispering of leaves
Seeming loud when there are so many

The beads of water glisten on the dock
Shimmering in phosphorescent glory
Looking almost like the tiny scales of a reptile
Against the newly varnished planks of the dock

I came here with some unresolved bitterness
Buried pretty deeply
I brushed it away almost as soon as I felt it coming
But it left crumbs behind
Dark corners where spiders weave their webs
Places and people I avoid
Knowing the spiders lurk there
Where bitterness still festers

Why do we even hold on to bitterness?
It’s such an ugly thing
Rotting and noxious
It says that it needs to punish
The one who’s hurt us
But we know it does no such thing
The wound is ours
Not theirs
And we are the ones who keep picking at the flesh
Keeping the scab from forming

No one likes being around a bitter person
Like being inside a house overrun with spiders
You might get bitten
Its poison an unseen malevolence

And so I take the broom of prayer
The detergent of God’s Word
And spray truth into the corners of my heart
I feel the hurt again
The sting of betrayal
My quick job of pretending it didn’t bother me
Did not sweep any of this away
Pretending its not there
Is not the same as cleaning house

To be the gentle person I long to be
The one who does no harm
Means I must let all of it go
I cannot hold on to a single strand
There must only be grace
And mercy
Believing the best
Even knowing the worst
Prepared to offer food and drink to my enemy
A place at my table
The respect they never offered to me

Without God this is impossible
But with Him it is not only possible
It’s expected
To remain the same as the world
Repaying wrong for wrong
Simply isn’t an option given to us

So I cry out to the Lord
And leave it with him
The hurt of it
The injustice of it
I taste the salt tears
And the steady wind of this place
Sweeps them away

For the weeds must be removed before flowers can bloom
And the cobwebs must not be allowed in corners
If I want to keep the spiders away

At the end of the day
I will never prove my critics wrong
If I hold on to a bitter spirit
That would only prove them right

So I lean into the wind
Lean into Jesus
The sun coming out
Warming the very air around me
Lighting the waves
So you can see to the bottom

The clouds still wispy and light
Unchanging and endless
So many shades of blue
It would be impossible to capture all of them on canvas
Or even through a lens

My hair blowing about me like the leaves on the trees
There is freedom in letting go
And peace in obedience