Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.– Proverbs 3:5-6
If 2020 has not taught me anything else, it is that I am definitely not in control.
If I were in control
Nathan would have gone to Greece with his classmates
Would have wondered at the places where the Apostle Paul walked
And bonded with his classmates
Abby would have had her dance recital last weekend
Her first performance en pointe
My parents would have been there applauding
Hugs all around
Nathan would have taken Bri to prom
Such a lovely girl and sweet friend
And I would have taken as many photographs as my camera would hold
If I were in control
A man out jogging would not have been run down
By a couple of racist white men
And if they had done the deed
They would have been arrested immediately
Another man would not have been held down
By his neck unable to breathe
While onlookers watched silent
If I were in control
A tornado would not have torn through the houses of my friends
Breaking windows and destroying memories
Wind whisking them away
If I were in control
A virus would not have stolen the life of my friend’s mother
And my other friend’s brother
And a little girl in North Carolina I never knew
If I were in control
May would have been busy
Filled with all the things that usually fill May
An unexamined life
If I were in control
There would not have been the time
For so many in our community to bind themselves together
Cutting away fallen trees for those who had lost homes in the tornado
Making lunches for schoolchildren who didn’t have enough to eat
Marching for justice alongside our brothers and sisters of color
Finally speaking in the open air what has been behind closed doors for far too long
There would not have been time for my son to write heartfelt notes to his classmates
For our family to have dinner together
To sit together in the backyard
There would not have been time for us to get to know our neighbors
To laugh at the antics of their goats and snuggle with their rabbits
To literally smell the roses
There would not have been time for writing poetry
Or reading books
Not time to talk about race with my daughter
And white privilege and our responsibility to care
To help bring justice to a broken world
And if I am being honest if I were in control
The world would be even more broken than it is now
Because I am broken too
And only a perfect God can breathe
Beauty from ashes
If I am being honest
A world under my control
Would be even worse than the one that is
I know so many things are the result of the fall
And I see the fall in my own life when I speak harshly
Or think unkind thoughts about another
And perhaps I see the fall mostly clearly
When in my pride I think things would be better
If I were in control
Thank God He is not silent
He is not far removed from us
He is nearer than our next breath
He cares about the parents whose children refuse to speak to them
About the young mother who worries for her son
About the disappointment of the young man who lost his last 2 months of high school
He loves the single person who feels alone in this time of isolation
He loves the softball player who missed an entire season of play
He loves the family who lost more than just a house in the storm
Thankful such a God IS in control
One who is both perfect and who is described as love itself
Surrendering to such a being is not hard
Someone who loved me enough to allow his only son to die
Still the best story ever told
I don’t know what else 2020 will have to throw at us
Aliens maybe? Or an asteroid or two?
I am praying for reconciliation
For true heart change in families and in our nation
I am praying for healing
Of more than just this terrible virus
But whatever it will bring
I know the One who holds the future
In Him I put my trust

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” – Matthew 7:24-27
There are no words worthy to express my appreciation for this lovely writing. Thank you from my heart.
LikeLike